a corner of your mouth smiles...

... while everyone ignores your frown.

So, i'm back from break. for those of you who respond with, 'you were gone?', i reply with a hearty ha-ha.

but yes, i am back. and i am depressed.

i have realized that my friends are people that were. that nothing has continued. that the tears shed in december 2007 were justified.

i felt isolated, in a sense. and that's okay. nothing - not even people - are going to stay the same. friends are momentary. relationships are fleeting. of course, these people arent dead. i can still talk to them, ya know? but there is something lost that will never be regained.

You pause before embarking on your new path, contemplating life...
...and you can feel a corner of your mouth smile.

The truth... and not

I hope that, after finishing this typing, i will be rid of these feelings.

I like control. I like knowing what's going to happen and i feel much better about it if I'm the one who made it happen. I like telling people what to do, not because i want to be bossy, but just because I want to be in control of the situation.

I don't like feeling out of control. I dont like it when I can't make a decision myself and someone makes it for me.

I like going into a situation that has absolutely no control. When i leave it, everything will be in order.

I liked working at Goods. I liked looking at the schedule, noticing the errors and fixing them myself, without bothering to tell management. I liked the way people would come to me and ask me for help. Even though it wasn't my place, I told them what to do. They always thought what I had to say was important enough to a) listen to, b) ask for and c) do.

I think that the ppl i dislike mostly in my life were the ones who tried to tell me what to do when I felt it wasnt their place. I try only to impose my opinion to people who ask, people who need it or myself. I try always to have a response.

I am trying to work on it, but if that is essentially who I am, should I even bother to change it?