the past three weeks in a nutshell

The idea of someone always being there for you is a novel idea. Bon Jovi reinforces this in his song, "I'll be there for you." The Lord of the Rings' characters epitomize loyalty, friendship and company. And, of course, who can forget Mark Wahlbergs unforgettable Bob Lee Swagger who is at just the right place at just the right time for just the right person? We simply accept the fact that eventually, we will have that someone or we will be that someone. My little confession is that these seemingly small declarations of loyalty are enough to arouse my vaguely feminine emotions. (Yes. Sometimes, I cry.)

But reality is not the box-office hit or the top-album compilation. Reality is having someone, who you regarded as your best friend, have their life turned upside down/inside out by someone with whom they trusted the most important thing they had. Reality is losing your friends. Reality is your sister -- I can't really continue except to say that if you know whats going on, then you know what I mean. Reality is knowing that others expect you to do the same, and that you think you might too. So much for free-will.

I'm also learning an aspect of loyalty through my college education. You could prolly tell that i was upset when I came to VA - not because of the workload or anything, but because, when i left initially, I was scared of losing my friends. Time proved that to be true. I never heard from or saw alot of the people I was in daily contact with before I left. In a sense, this is one reason why I don't want to leave this time. Some friends - i don't want to lose. For my own sake, I can't afford to lose.

It's kinda hypocritical, isn't it? The loyalty I crave for in others, I can't even provide - if just to myself. College can be the most rewarding, successful, and spiritually amazing time a person can have. On the other side, it can be, at times, lonely, make one self-dependant, and downright struggling. I can't even be a stable person for myself. I'm not bipolar, or manic or anything. But sometimes, at random times, I remember this and... idk. I'm upset at what I can't be.

I am so glad for my friends - my old friends who have stayed with me, my newly discovered friends who remind me that I am not who my sister is, and for just the people who appreciate me for who I am.

So, thanks, guys. Thanks for the support and I understand that sometimes, the best thing to do is to not get involved with other people's problems (like mine), so to you, I say, thanks for your time that you have set aside and given to me. You mean more than you know. I'm really struggling and it means so much to know that i have a force behind me, ready to push me through my issues, even if it's just for a short time. =)